The Same Rights As Guns?

If you pay attention to politics, I’m sure you’ve seen this image (and ones like it) floating around social media:


Some reports have stated that this sign was from last weekend’s “Women’s March,” though I’m sure I remember seeing it last year.  But, I’ve seen other signs that were from last weekend’s march, so the idiotic trope live on.


First, the blindingly obvious logical fallacy (which my OCD forces me to include): guns are inanimate objects.  They have no rights.  The 2nd Amendment has nothing to do with the rights of inanimate objects, it is about the right of the people to own and use those inanimate objects.

But, moving on…

My wife brought this up to me the other day when she saw the picture on Facebook, and we had a good laugh as we talked about how ridiculous it would actually be if women had ‘the same rights as guns.’


Here’s what the world would look like if women were regulated like guns.  And understand that I live in California, with some of the strictest firearm regulations in the nation.

  1. You have to pass a basic safety test before marrying a woman or giving birth to a daughter.
  2. After passing the safety test, you must fill out registration paperwork, provide ID to prove you are who you say you are, and pass a federal criminal background check.
  3. After filling out the paperwork, you must wait 10 days before you can take a woman home with you.
  4. All women must have a serial number permanently stamped on them for identification. I’m assuming that would have to look something like this:
    Polish-born Holocaust survivor Hack shows number tattooed on arm during a news conference at the Yad Vashem Museum in Jerusalem
  5. Taking a woman out in public requires a special permit…and since “open carry” is illegal in California, women in this state had better get used to this:
    Oh, and by the way, in order to get the CCW (carry a concealed woman) permit, you have to pay steep fines, take several hours of training classes, and apply with local law enforcement agencies, who have no obligation to approve. If your application is rejected, you’re out of luck…and if it is approved, you must renew your permit (including training classes) every few years.And in some states, your woman had better be very concealed, as such things as ‘printing’ or ‘unintentional brandishing’ can land you in hot water with authorities.
  6. For Californians, your CCW permit is not recognized in any other state, and no other states’ permits are recognized in your state.  In order to take your wife out in public, you must either travel to a state that allows it without a permit, or apply for a permit in that state.
  7. Any time you interact with law enforcement, you must inform them that you have a woman with you, and will be required to produce your permit, showing that you can legally associate with a woman.
  8. If you don’t have a carry permit, you must keep your woman in a locked container when transporting her (such as in the trunk of your car).
  9. Around the house, you must keep your women locked up at all times, to ensure that a child never stumbles across a woman unsupervised.  The safe you use to store your women must be in accordance with state and federal regulations.
  10. Women with certain cosmetic features (as defined and constantly re-defined by the state legislature) must be registered as “assault women.” This registration process includes additional fees and background checks.
  11. It’s illegal to take a woman into an airport.  Or into a school.  Or into a government building.

And let’s not even get into what the equivalent of banning ‘high capacity’ magazines would be.


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